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Jakey. 19. UW, Stout.
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March 25th, 2016
I got old and fat.

Return to the UW Part One [Monday
April 28th, 2008

For anyone who still reads, or cares ... Jakey returned to The UW last week!

Previously on The UWCollapse )

No Longer Staying Put [Monday
August 6th, 2007
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Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Thank you for being a part of my journey -- whatever it is. If you wish, you may follow the saga of my life in my new LJ and spin-off:


as well as my new, more culturally-focused blog (that I'm not so sure if I'll keep or not):


You have stolen my heart.

Dot Dot Dot [Sunday
August 5th, 2007
I feel that for one of my last entries of this LJ, I should be posting Larry King style.

I went to Aveda Institute today, because Diva is in beauty school ... For free, I got my hair colored two subtle shades darker ... Diva got 100%, part of it for effort and part of it because the supervisor had a crush on me (I mean, what? How vain and arrogant to say) ...

...VillageFest was okay, but it did made me think of my VF entry from two summers ago ... Colonel Brandon was there and again I pulled my same old shit, and yes, he saw through it ... Sometimes I wonder if I will ever grow up ...

...Diva and I went to the '90s again and I was crushing on a guy there ... I love how at the '90s you're never sure what team they play for ... There is nothing more heartwarming than a straight guy being excited about a kiss from a drag queen ... Speaking of drag queens, in my next life I think I will be one, as they have a level of self-confidence like no other ...

...I oddly pride myself on the fact that I cry about two times a year ... That said, tonight in my room was the 2007 Breakdown ... You can blame my iPod for playing "How Far You've Come" by The Wallflowers, followed by "Stolen" by Dashboard Confessional ... I know that The UW, as far as I'm concerned, ended about three months ago, but it still didn't hit me until then ...

...In 30 hours I will be on a plane to JFK ...

August 4th, 2007
just a bit more than 48 hours
i should be saying something really deep right now


Minneapolis [Thursday
August 2nd, 2007
Holy crap, the bridge collapsed.

I'm horrible with directions, but even so, I realize how often I have crossed that bridge in my life. It is the bridge that goes downtown, to the Mall of America, to the airport. Literally everyone living in the metropolitan area can truthfully say they've crossed it. I keep waiting for the dreadful news that I am going to know someone who was on it, whether it is a classmate from Stout or a friend of a friend.

In a way I feel a sense of guilt, because I am leaving Minneapolis just as it is about to fight for itself, to begin a project that will likely take years (we did get a light system a few years ago, but it doesn't go to the south suburbs, perhaps the heaviest force of traffic). That said, I know that the Minneapolis/St. Paul people are resilient, helpful and caring, and those qualities will help the area recover from one of the most tragic days in Minnesota history.

We Watch the Season Pull Up its Own Stakes [Sunday
July 29th, 2007
I went to Menomonie for the last time two days ago! Hot Laura and I drove out there and I enjoyed the Menomonie bar scene. Within twenty seconds of being at the Log Jam, a cute boy asked if I had been to his house before, and apparently he used to live at the ski house, my favorite party house ever! And yes, it went to my head.

I am leaving in seven days (technically eight, but it's an early morning flight), and that is very scary. I have decided to leave my anger behind. We'll see how that goes.

Also, my landlady has been MIA/AWOL, or some other kind of acronym, and I'm kind of freaking out, because it would be nice to have a key. And my name on the mailbox so my computer being delivered doesn't melt in the sun.

I have a few random acquaintances in NYC already: an old LJ friend of mine lives out in Brooklyn, and Diva has a model friend that just relocated to Manhattan. I hope they can show me the ropes about getting a job and stuff. I already consider myself an expert on the subway.

"It's so weird to think that you aren't coming back," Laura told me on the way back to Minneapolis.

It is.

You are the best one
Of the best ones
We all look like we feel

Gay Money Savers [Wednesday
July 25th, 2007
A Moneysaving Tip for you gays and gals out there:

*At the supermarket, hope that there is a hot guy working the express lane. This will help you rein in your wallet and buy no more than 10 items.

July 25th, 2007
I just finished Harry Potter 7 and now I am sad --- AND THAT IS NOT A SPOILER!!!! No matter how it may have ended, sad or happy, I am sad, because it means it is the end of an era, and we all know how well I took it when Trish Stratus retired.

I leave in less than two weeks. Loretta and I are not speaking again. I need to realize that I am a stubborn, selfish asshole, and that she was right about every single decision she made, and that she did nothing wrong, and that in no way she did severely set me back in life and that she is absolutely perfect, and if I do that I think we're okay.

I was drunk Facebook adding people and I found the boy who I lived with in France for two days! I don't think he is going to add me back.

Birthday Week [Monday
July 23rd, 2007
Fun Birthday Stuff

I turned 21 eight days ago, and I decided to stretch it out for a week, because you only turn 21 once.

After my Menomonie excursion and my casino birthday party (which led to a lot of money lost, a lot of liquor drank, and Alicia Joy getting food poisoning), I went clubbing with Hot Laura and her friends downtown on Friday evening. I met up with them at The Hard Rock Cafe, where I had two vodka cranberries and some slushy thing. We then ventured to Drink, where the bouncers refused to believe I was 21. After I was double-checked about ten times, Laura gently told the bouncer, "We know, we know, he looks 12, but he's 21, we promise."

Between Drink and Hard Rock Cafe, we received several flyers for free drinks at Drink that expired at 11 PM, and it was 10:30 when we got to Drink, so, um ... yeah, maybe I had three more mixed drinks. And maybe it was more than I should have, because there's actually blurs when I think about this night, and it's sad to think about because my UW entries were always so detailed and accurate. I remember drunk dialing Diva, and I remember chatting up one of Laura's friends, and I remember Laura hailing me a cab home and .... el finito. Oh, and I lost my phone in said cab, so there goes any hopes in my future independence.

Ohh, and I Facebook-added one of Laura's gal pals that I met that night, and on the confirmation she put "We hooked up", and I'm fairly certain she's kidding, but now ... oh boy.

Saturday night, Erin, my grandparents and I went to Hinckley to see the Martina McBride concert at Grand Casino. I lost a ton of money AGAIN at the casino since I never cash out when I win big at the slots. Martina McBride rocked the house, though, and encored with "Don't Stop Believing." I was pleasantly shocked.

Lame Emo Stuff

I'm re-reading The Perks of Being a Wallflower again, because I needed something to read before I got HP7, and there's a line in there that says "We only accept love we feel we deserve", and that explains so much about a certain emotional affair that I had many moons ago.

Oh, and I'm out of Gas-X and I'm all urpy.

July 22nd, 2007
GRANDMA SHIRLEY: "I think it's time you get back on the wagon again."

When she's right, she's right ...

July 19th, 2007
It's not so far to go
But tonight I won't be coming home
I've come here on my own

When our nights and days
Turned to months and years
And I forgot how to be alone
I forgot how to love

But don't cry my baby
There's blue skies before you
And even when the clouds roll in
I still want you near me

When I found my place
Here in this new room
Everything went quiet and clear
And I could feel again and I missed you
The whole of me missed holding you

But I won't cry my baby
There's blue skies before me
And even when the clouds roll in
I still want you near me

When I said I'm not in love
You made me count the ways
But I couldn't hope to be
Both cause and balm for pain
Well it breaks my heart
To break your heart
I know that means I'm still in love

So don't cry my baby
There's blue skies before you
And even when the clouds roll in
I still want you near me

I still want you near me
I still want you near me
Even when the clouds roll in
I still want you near me

The UW: Last Exit to Menomonie [Thursday
July 19th, 2007
I randomly returned to Menomonie last night. I was out with Erin, and we were going to Alicia's house to see what the hell is going on about my birthday party tomorrow (at this point it's kind of bullshit), when Laura called and asked what I was doing later that night. She informed me that Steph was driving to Menomonie and invited me to meet her there for the night.

Laura is my favorite road trip partner ever, and we freaked out because we wanted to buy more alcohol, so first we stopped at the County Market in Hudson which did not have any alcohol, but we weren't too upset because in Aisle 10 a very cute boy was working and totally dropped a box while we were walking his way, and every time I am with an attractive girl and things like this happen I like to pretend it is because of me and not said girl. We finally found some hard lemonade at a SuperAmerica in a podunk town en route to Menomonie (and the Cabbage Patch Doll working at Wal-Mart informed us they don't sell alcoholic beverages after 9 ... there was no sign. I really do hate Wal-Mart).

We reunited with Steph and Brittany, and met Steph's friend who drove with her from Green Bay. It was very strange to realize that I was at the set of the new season of The UW, in which the six girls live together in a house and grow during junior year. There were very brief moments sophomore year in which I thought that if I ever did stay at Stout, I would have been the sixth roommate. I stood in an empty room in the house and realized I would have a small room in the upstairs corner, next to Kristen. All of my male friends would be jealous yet not surprised that I was living with five attractive young women. My brother would find very random excuses to visit. I would continue my socialite lifestyle while selling cosmetics at Walgreens. Somewhere in this magic version I have a car.

Besides the car and money thing, I realized that the main difference was that I wasn't crazy about my major at Stout -- and even had I changed it from Psychology to the more reasonable Human Development and Family Studies, there would have still been this nagging voice in my head, the one telling me that I really wanted to be a writer and entertainer, and asking me what the hell was I doing in Wisconsin.

But will I actually make it in Brooklyn? Will I actually find the nerve to go to the comedy club one day and tell jokes about Whitey in front of seven disgruntled strangers? Will I be able to walk down the street with my head up and have no fear of being heckled? Will I actually return to my writing career, and convince myself that the book I wrote for two years before giving up on really didn't suck, and will I actually write for an hour a day?

And after spending 12 consecutive hours with them, I wondered, Why are Stephanie, Laura and I always so hard on ourselves? Did something happen in our lives that made us constantly point our own physical flaws? Is it the media? Is it just us?

XXI [Monday
July 16th, 2007
For my 21st birthday, Diva and I ventured to Stella's Fish Cafe, followed by The Gay '90s. Diva drove because she fits the Asian sterotype of not being able to drink.

I have to say that I love The Gay '90s. I was tepid about it at first, but I realized that, unlike some other gay bars in which patrons are resented if they have real vaginas, The Gay '90s doesn't really care if you're gay or straight -- and indeed, I'd say the percentage was about 50-50, considering Diva got hit on more than I did (and I'm certain the guys knew her gender considering she's WAY too short to be a drag queen). However, everyone there is accepted, and no one needs to worry about having to act a certain way. So, yeah, we're mos def going again next week, bank account be damned.

Birthday week continues!
Tonight: poss party (depends if dane goes, and then depends if dane calls me)
Friday: tearful reunion with hot laura
Saturday: Martina McBride concert (shut up)
Sunday: poss hittin the club again with diva

And yeah this entry was lame. My time clock sucks. Loretta is going to be downstairs feeding the cat ANY MINUTE NOW and I'm going to have to pretend to be asleep. *Sigh*

Update: Birthday Week [Thursday
July 12th, 2007
*I am 21 in three days, which is fun and scary and exciting and blah blah blah. Diva and I are currently debating if we are going out Saturday or Sunday; she has an invite to a rather elite club party Saturday night, so we could show up at midnight. Minnesota has a strange law in which you can't drink until 8 A.M. until your 21st birthday, but hopefully the bartenders won't know that. Besides, it's a RED party, and red is such my power color that I wouldn't even be mad about being sober.

*7/19: Casino party. I better win big. Laura from The UW is a confirmed guest, as is Jess (though she's not so sure). If Whitey shows up, all is well in the world.

*Hot Laura and I are finally planning our reunion on 7/20, another night that will consist of barhopping.

*Diva and I may be attending two other big club events before my farewell.

*I know it's out of character to want to go to the straight club and not the gay club, but that's just how I roll. At the gay club, I would always be concerned about the hot guy not noticing me, and oh my god why won't he look over here, whereas at the straight club, I know already they don't play for my team so I can settle into my role as sidekick/gatekeeper/cockblocker. It's much better for everyone. Some gay guys have literally dozens of gay friends and are at the club every weekend, and that floats their boats just fine. I am perfectly happy driving the cruise ship of heterosexual singles.

*I sent my first rent check today. Rent is expensive.

*I'm buying a computer today. Computers are expensive.

*Yes, I better win big at the casino.


In other non-birthday news, I went to the doctor today to get plantar's warts zapped off for the 856th time (it's so sexy, I know). It hurt really really bad, but we randomly had two Tylenol-3's saved up from last time, so I took those and felt better. Then Loretta and I watched three hours of courtroom TV. I love The People's Court, Judge Mathis AND Judge Maria Lopez! I then became sad about my upcoming school schedule that has me at the college until 4:30 every day. I will miss you the most, daytime television.

I FINALLY got to hang out with Kate and Jim, as we saw the fifth Harry Potter movie. On the way there, Jim had this exchange:

JIM: "So, you excited about HPV?"
ME: "Wait ... let me think of a witty response ...
... I have a burning desire to see it!
... I've really been itching to see it!
... This movie better start or I'm about to turn red!"

If I don't beat Final Fantasy VIII before I leave, my summer has been an absolute waste of time.

Sunday Morning Rain is Falling [Sunday
July 8th, 2007
I believe we're all strangely psychic in a way.

Yesterday, for no reason, I started thinking about ads for jobs that I had seen in Brooklyn, and how one tutor gig said "must have experience working with children", and then I thought about what I would put on my application if I wanted that job, and I would put my Mississippi trip last year and my two and a half years of Sunday School teaching. I say two and a half because my third year, I taught fourth-graders, and it was only me and this other lady that taught the class. Halfway through the year I stopped showing up -- maybe because I was stupid and 14, I don't know -- and I always thought I couldn't show up again after skipping three times in a row or whatever because I was just so embarrassed. Then I thought about how bad I felt for skipping out on those kids and my fellow teacher, whom I had just abandoned instead of helping out like I had pledged I would, and I decided if I should ever see her again, I would apologize.

As the day went on, I had discovered that she had passed away over the weekend after a prolonged illness. It hit me in a strange way. When I woke up today, I did my best Grandma Shirley impression as I plored over the obituary pages, reading about everybody, including my former Sunday School colleague.

This is the conclusion, in which I'm supposed to say something really heartfelt and profound. But what do I say? Perhaps some cliche about how we are all connected, although my stronger response is that putting your picture by your obituary is worth saving up for, because then people are more likely to read your obituary and find out things about you that they would never have known; for example, the woman I only knew in passing as a Sunday School teacher had previously worked for the FBI!

This entry doesn't really have a tidy ending or well-done conclusion, and perhaps I am bailing out of it the same way I ended my Sunday School teaching career. Nevertheless, my thoughts and prayers are with those who need them, and I will fondly remember 10:45 AM on Sunday mornings.

July 7th, 2007
Where did I go?

News & Notes [Thursday
July 5th, 2007
*Today I reunited with Laleh for some retail therapy! I bought a new shirt for my Minneapolis nightclub debut as well as one for my casino night. I don't know if the shirts fit that great, since they didn't have any Small, but I tried them on and they looked okay. Laleh bought a sexy swimsuit at PacSun. Or maybe Zumies. I forget.

*I AM TOO SKINNY. I noticed this when trying on clothes, and it was re-iterated when Laleh (very politely) noticed my frame. And it's weird because I know I'm too skinny, and I hate pictures of myself when my arms are just hanging there, but at the same time, I've always been skinny (though I admit I used to be just a bit thicker). I don't know what it's like to have muscles. They would be foreign to me. I would be randomly flexing all day, wondering what the hell I'm supposed to do with them. I joined a gym last summer, and I went diligently for the first two months, but then I got crippled by social anxiety and I was convinced that my trainer and everyone else was secretly laughing at me, so I stopped. Perhaps I'll join a really ghetto one in Brooklyn, because I am NOT joining a gym in Manhattan, where everyone looks like models, and half of the people actually are models.

*I am still really bitter that two days ago the ATM at Tastes of Minnesota charged me about seven bucks for a withdrawal in total. Diva and I should have stopped at a gas station beforehand.

*I really hope Whitey shows up at Casino Night. I had a dream that I went to a party at his house, but I was really late and by the time I got there everyone was asleep and the alcohol was gone. WHAT DOES IT MEAN?? I'm convinced that dreams always mean something, and Sten and I got in an argument about this. He explained one weird dream of his and it was a piece of cake (x represented childhood, y represented happiness), but then he mentioned another one about the New York Knicks and dinosaurs and then I was totally stumped.

*Hooray! Everyone on Wheel is winning right now. The one lady just won a trip to Singapore, but I would not go there because you can get arrested if you chew gum or something.

*I am officially bad luck, as both of my UW crushes will not be returning this season--Abs and Passions Boy both ended up transferring. Perhaps their managers knew I was their only hope of a storyline, and now that I am leaving, they will probably have to find other shows in need of eye candy.

And I'm Gonna Miss You Like a Child Misses that Blanket [Tuesday
July 3rd, 2007
12 days until my birthday
32 until I leave
Instead of counting down the days
I should be enjoying them

I always push them away first
It is self-preservation
So I can say that I won
And that I didn't get hurt

I found my old diary
From two summers ago
Nothing has changed

"No one can love you until you love yourself"
It's a crappy cliche
That's so damn true

When You Were a Child, You Were Happy and Free [Thursday
June 28th, 2007
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